What is the most optimistic explanation?.Grace never seems fair until you need some. Once we come up with a few realistic, honest and dispassionate explanations, we can do the heavy lifting required to find a way forward. Put the hurts aside for a moment and ask yourself: What was really going on? What was the most likely reason this misunderstanding happened, and why was the unkind word said or repeated? Was there an underlying insecurity or sense of marketplace or relational competition? It could be a silly reason, an unidentified bias or a simple misunderstanding. What is the most realistic explanation?.Perhaps the wound they inflicted was actually a failed attempt at expressing concern. Maybe they thought they were being helpful. Put distraction on a diet of the most generous thoughts and assumptions you can muster about the motives behind your friend’s mess-up by finding the most generous explanation you can think of. (John 10:10) Evil feeds on distraction, and distraction is like unhealthy carbs for relationships. Keep this in mind - evil seeks to distract you as a means toward the end of destruction. Ask God to help you find a more generous, honorable explanation for the odd and off-putting behavior, mean words, rumors or other offenses that come your way. It’s hard to be generous with your thoughts when your feelings have been deeply hurt. What is the most optimistic explanation for what they are doing?Īnswer these three questions for yourself with a boatload of humility and honesty, and you’ll have a terrific go-to plan to right the ship rather than scuttle the valued relationships you are in.What is the most realistic explanation for what they are doing?.What is the most generous explanation for what they are doing?.Here is an exercise I do when someone’s words or actions rub me the wrong way. Having an action plan for relational difficulties is one way we can foster love, as Proverbs 17:9 says: “Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.”
Don’t wish for better relationships have a plan for what to do when they become difficult. So what do you do when things go sideways with someone you consider a friend?Ī hope without a plan is just a wish. One thing we all have in common is that we are all balancing many relationships.
With all of these people on the planet as we spin through the universe, there are bound to be a few friends who will let us down at some point. When you think about it, it’s just a handful of the 7.8 billion people who are all here on earth. If you live 85 years and meet about a dozen people a day, you’ll encounter this number of people during your life. “Whoever would foster love covers over an offense, but whoever repeats the matter separates close friends.” Proverbs 17:9 (NIV)Ī handful of sand has about 400,000 grains of sand in it.
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